Until the Light
by XMC 10-357
Summary: Dylan, once again, has to fight for Andromeda’s survival. Rommie/Dylan
1. Chapter 1

Until the light

Summary: Dylan, once again, has to fight for Andromeda's survival.

Pairing: Rommie/Dylan

Spoilers: Nothing that springs to mind.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters and I don't make any profit with my little fic. That's why I'm not going to tip myself for finally getting back to writing again.

AN: This is set two years after Andromeda and her crew defeated the Abyss. Andromeda is sent to observe a star going supernova; I'm not going to say anymore than that, except that I really like reading reviews.

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That's the last of the escape pods. Well, at least my crew is safe, all but one anyway. I don't have to look up, the sound of his forcelance working away at the seal of command's main access is all but clear, even without my android hearing. If only I knew a definite way of getting him off the ship, of getting him to safety.

He is almost through now…

I brush away a single tear from my cheek and stare towards the hatch. Command is basked in crimson light from the main viewer, not only making it feel, but also look like my own personal hell. The sparks flying up from where the door panels connect aren't helping either.

The seal finally gives way and he is already straining to force open the door.

I wonder how I ended up in this mess. My memory serves me right as it always does, but when I look for the reasons, the decisions I made that were wrong, I'm not sure I know where to start. I take a deep breath, I need to regain at least some semblance of composure if I'm to get him out of harm's way.

"Ok Andromeda! What the hell is going on?" Dylan almost shouts as he storms onto command, rushing towards me. Despite that, just the sight of him sends that mess of emotions gushing up in my chest. Even after all this time.

"Radiation from the star is interfering with propulsion control," I have to look away, I've never lied to him before, at least not outright, not like this. But I need him to leave, "I can't engage sublight engines and we're too close to the gravity well for slipstream."

I look up to find him furiously tapping commands into the console at his station. Moments later he thumps the console angrily and steps back. I wince just a little as his fist connects, even though it won't matter soon enough. Then he looks down to where I'm sitting and his eyes go wide, as if surprised to see me, "Rommie?"

"Dylan?"

He raises his eyebrows at me, "you know you could help here."

I swallow hard, how much I wished my next statement wasn't true. "There's nothing you can do."

"I can't believe that, Rommie. There's got to be something, we just haven't figured it out yet." He says, with the resolve I've come to expect from my captain. "If it comes down to it I'll have Beka tow you clear with the Maru." My mouth is already open with the next problem to his plan, but I shut it quickly, I just can't lie to him again. I'm not sure how long I can hold on, before the tears that are forming behind my eyes run free.

"Just leave," the statement as which it was intended turns into a hoarse whisper as my voice breaks. I'm certain he didn't hear it. He is most likely too caught up in whatever is going through his head. He is staring down at me now, still waiting for an answer. "Just leave." I manage to repeat, louder this time.

"What?" he utters in what seems like disbelieve, "Rommie, in case you haven't noticed, there's a red super giant out there that could turn nova any minute."

"I know." I answer rhetorically. Of course I know. How could I not know?

"So what are we going to do about it?" He asks patiently.

"Like I said, there's nothing you can do." A tear makes its way down my cheek and I turn away quickly before he sees. "So just leave," I whisper.

"Are you trying to get yourself killed?" He stops then and gazes at me speechlessly for a long moment. His question is more to point than I had hoped to take this conversation, and I curse myself for not being more careful with what I say, and judging from the look on his face, he's figured it out as well "That's it, isn't it? Oh my god, Rommie."

I can't answer. My gaze drifts down to my lap for a second. I stand up and walk behind the pilot's station, putting it between us. I rest my hands on the smooth but cold metal rail. I still cannot bring myself to look at him, I simply wait.

"But why?"

I'm not sure I know how to answer that question. The truth? I doubt that. I can't admit that to him, not after everything that's happened. So what's the alternative? I suppose the partial truth will have to do, even if the truth part is miniscule. "I'm sick of the constant fighting, the struggle…" I offer.

"We're soldiers Rommie, it's part of our job description. And the way you always point out that you're a warship? Besides, I thought since we defeated the Abyss we've been fighting less and less?"

Is there any way I can make this believable to him? "Still—"

"What's the real reason?" He cuts me off and I hear him step closer. I look up into his blue eyes and merely find myself staring. "Rommie?" He says that special way that's always sent a shiver down my spine. And with that he covers one of my hands with one of his.

As much as I want the touch, I really can't handle this now. I draw back my hands and back up until I feel my back pressing into the main display so hard I think it might break. "Don't!" Is all I can manage.

"Rommie, I'm sorry." He says and takes a few steps backwards. "But you should know that I'm not going anywhere," he adds and looks at me worriedly, then he sits down at the base of the pilots station in front of me. "Look, I really think we should talk about this. It might help, but the choice is yours."

I can't help but sigh. I can't imagine how talking this out might help, or that it offers another resolution? Besides, I'm not opening myself up to him again. Though, my embarrassment is hardly an issue, it won't matter when that star does finally go nova. The only thing that really matters is that Dylan isn't onboard anymore. Maybe the truth can accomplish that. So I swallow down my pride, closing my eyes tight against the tears I feel welling up inside of me, "ever since you broke up with me, my life has been one gigantic mess."

TBC.


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Sorry for the wait, but writing this story is taking more time than I originally thought, and I also haven't decided how it's going to end yet.

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My admission hurts, but not as much as the truth itself. I allow myself to slide down slowly until I'm sitting on the floor with my back still against the screen. There is a long silence between us.

"I had no idea," he says quietly, "you always seemed so," he stops and appears to be searching for the right word. "Fine," he finishes weakly.

"You don't realise how hard it is, do you?" I start, though I wonder, is it possible he really didn't or doesn't know? Somehow I always assume if there is one person that can read me like a flexi, it's him.

An odd look flashes over his face, and he's just about to answer but decides against it and remains still.

How am I going to make him see? Do I even tell him? I'm not sure I want him to know, on the other hand, maybe then he'll understand and go – seems unlikely though. There is just so much and I hardly know where to start.

"I—" the icy nervousness welling up inside stops me. I can't help but smile despite myself. I am about to die, and here I am, nervous and afraid that what I'm about to say will ruin what little we have left.

He is still looking at me, and the concern in his eyes sends that familiar feeling gushing up in my chest again that only adds to my nervousness. I close my eyes tight, and two unshed tears run slowly down my cheeks.

"I love you," I nearly choke on each word and swallow hard, "I love you. I never stopped loving you. You mean more to me than anything, or anyone. I'd die for you, not just because you're my captain or my fellow High Guard officer or my friend, but because I couldn't live with myself knowing something happened to you that I could or might have prevented."

Lately I've been wishing more and more that a situation might present itself for me to do just that, at least then my death would have meaning, instead of this senseless oblivion. Tears flow freely now, but I don't care, the words at least come more easily.

"You mean everything to me. When I'm walking down a corridor or sitting in my quarters I find myself saying your name out loud, hardly a minute goes by that I don't think of you.

"It's worse because so much reminds me of you, of us. Even some of what used to be favourite places of mine, I don't want to see anymore because of the memories I have of our times there." Thoughts of Sualocin or O'Connell Drift settle in my mind for a moment before I try to banish them from my thoughts, along with the memories associated with them.

"And that's without the constant reminder of having you inside me every second, I can't go to Obs. Deck without wanting to take my forcelance and shoot myself in the head, let alone your quarters." Even my own, even after redecorating them - the painting he gave me that I can't bring myself to take down, the plant he insisted would brighten up the room, among other things.

"And it hurts, being apart from you with you so close sometimes seems unbearable, but so does being with you when there's so much I want to tell you and can't. When every so often all I want to do is hold your hands and kiss you. I've never felt so alone."

I shiver at the thought, and even more when I realise just how alone I really am right now, and even more so when Dylan leaves. I hug myself close though I don't really know why. For a second I wonder how pathetic I must look right now, and the thought only sends a fresh surge of tears streaming down my face.

I try to calm down a bit, but I can't seem to be able to. With everything I have held on to all this time out in the open I think that this is the closest I've ever come to actually feeling sick, apart from that afternoon he broke up with me, of course, and the following days and weeks. It's surprising though, that in a sense I am relieved, as if a weight has been lifted, and for a moment I even get my wailing under control. I keep my eyes closed and take a few calming breaths, at least I hoped they would calm. I can feel more tears building and I continue quickly, before my will to get it all out leaves me completely.

"It's more than that, it's—" I stop, that sentence won't make any sense. "I—" I try to start again, I feel what little control I had slip und tears start coursing down my cheeks again. I imagine Dylan reaching out to me, to wipe them away, but when after a few seconds I can't feel his hand touch my face the stabbing pain of disappointment is almost more than I can cope with. I struggle to keep going, "I'm afraid, I'm so afraid," I say through the tears, everything is coming out in ragged sobs and I can only hope he understands me nevertheless.

"Every time you're invited to a party, a meeting, anything, or I route a private communiqué to your quarters or your office. I imagine this is the one you meet someone else, the one I finally loose you forever. And I can't even stand the idea.

"And even if that never happened, it seems the only thing in my future is your death, be it sixty years from now. And I know if the pain and fear haven't killed me by then, I'm sure that will." Even imagining it seems too painful to bear.

I considered all the hurt as a penance, atonement. "I can't stand it anymore, I just want it to end. And when it does, I—" For the first time I feel her circling the border of our minds, "we don't want to feel any pain, when the sun goes nova, the ensuing shockwave will tear through me in a nanosecond. My sensors won't have time to record, let alone relay anything to my cores. I won't feel anything. The only important thing now, is that you leave."

TBC


End file.
